don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
