It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think i have herpe
just one?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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