we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
