It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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