Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
