it wasn't lemon gatorade
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
