just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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