you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
