Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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