omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
