be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
