also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
