how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
