I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cockslap morals
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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