Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
