just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
