we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
