Someone shit on the floor
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize