you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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