So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it hurts more in the daytime
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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