My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize