he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
