Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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