we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
