There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
