There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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