I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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