I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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