That's intense
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
