Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
