lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
