At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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