Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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