I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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