well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
