I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
