There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
