I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
