I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
