Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
