Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
