just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
