Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
