I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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