How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
