i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
