I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
