I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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