If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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