Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
