I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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