I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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