The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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