My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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