I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
