why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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