I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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