You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
