Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
