Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
